Learning to Be Content

Yesterday I went to check to see if any of my grades from last semester had been posted.  One of them had and my heart sank when I saw it.  It was the worst grade I have ever gotten in my life.  I began to feel doubts of why I had ever decided to put myself through the hell of law school - a thought I am sure many of my fellow law school students have had at some point.  I felt stupid.  I felt below everyone else in that class that got better grades.  I just felt angry.  I began making excuses for myself about how this was a multiple choice test that decided my grade for that class and I never do well on multiple choice tests.  I began getting upset in general at law professors that give multiple choice tests because I feel law school should simply be essay tests because they are teaching us to be able to argue from any side - and how is that tested at all by a multiple choice test.  But any excuse I make does not change my grade or anything about that class.  I cried on the way home from work because I was just upset....

When I got home I opened my Bible looking for something to just make me feel better at that moment.  I landed on Philippians 4 and I read verses 10-20.  Verse 11 really hit me - "I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."  That means I need to be content in all the situations that I am put in - including getting a bad grade.  God has it all in control and I just need to completely trust him and know that I am following in His will.  I know it was His will that I went to law school - so I should not doubt that decision.  I need to be content.  Being content is not needing any substitutes from the world to be fulfilled - but being fulfilled only by God's grace and mercy.  I need to remember that no matter what happens in life, I will be ok, because God is with me and will never leave me nor forsake me.  Even if I failed out of law school, it would be ok.  Life would continue on and God would provide and lead me to where He wants me to go.  So that is where I am at.  I am learning to be content - just as Paul did.  Learning is a process.  It is not as if it just happens.  It takes practice and dedication.  So right now I am dedicating myself to becoming content.  That is my prayer and my goal.